The DOs and DON'Ts

Once again, it has been too long since I have written here!  I'm noticing a habit of mine that when I am in flux with my body image I am reluctant to share my muddled thoughts because I worry that they will not be worth your time.  But too much worry can lead to guilt which can easily lead to shame - an emotion that I try to stay far far away from.  So here I go!


I have gone through a lot of body uncertainty in the last few weeks because of conversations with a few people who, despite having good intentions, have invalidated my convictions about body image, unintentionally making me question myself, my legitimacy, and my worth.  Instead of going into the details of these interactions, I thought I might set out some guidelines for an appropriate and compassionate approach to fellow human beings with different body shapes and sizes than your own.

The DOs and DON'Ts of a Body Image Discussion

DON'T assume that someone who believes in positive body image is making excuses for themselves.
DO give the benefit of the doubt to each human being and assume that they are taking care of their body and their health (unless they prove you wrong by their ACTIONS, not by their APPEARANCE).

DON'T assume that people need to change because they do not fit an ideal.
DO keep an open mind about what healthy might look like.

DON'T claim someone else's body for your own by trying to impress your own body habits onto it.
DO allow people in your life to experience their own struggles and reach their own conclusions that are DIFFERENT than your own.

DON'T strike up a conversation just to shoot someone down and disagree with their core beliefs that may or may not be enabling them to function on a day to day basis.
DO listen to other people's opinions.  Let their words reach you and affect you. 

DON'T try to lead someone else to your own conclusion. This invalidates their opinion and means you are focusing on how to make your argument instead of hearing what they are saying.
DO show that you care and trust that no one can understand an individual body better than its owner.

I could go on, but I want you to actually hear what I wrote, so I will refrain from ranting.

Except for this - this is my visual version of a rant.

The other thing I would like to start doing is sharing links to articles and blogs that I come across that I find inspiring.  I often post these on Facebook, as well, but I think it would be nice to gather a few for each post. So for this round...

Isabel Foxen Duke is an emotional eating consultant and writes about not equating our body shapes and sizes with our worth: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/isabel-foxen-duke/why-love-your-body-campaigns-arent-working_b_3605184.html

Beauty Redefined hits home again in quoting Nate Pyle in "The Guy's Guide to Seeing Women, Not Objects."  Reading this made me hope for a better future where men and women cooperate to make women feel like human beings and not commodities.  There is a truth in his words that I hadn't realized before, even in all of my feminist-leaning philosophies: http://www.beautyredefined.net/guys-guide-to-seeing-women-not-objects/.

They also wrote a blog post about how to bounce back from feelings like the ones I've had these last few weeks - and for their impeccable timing, I am truly grateful.  I suggest this short read about resilience and self-compassion for anyone who ever has looked at a picture of themselves and has immediately thought, "yuck!" Their words made me feel understood, encouraged me to keep believing what is true to me, and reminded me that I am not alone: http://www.beautyredefined.net/not-picture-perfect-bounce-back-from-a-body-image-blow/

I'll leave it at that for tonight!

I do want to thank all of those family, friends, and friends of friends who have gone out of their way to tell me that they are following this blog.  Your encouragement is inspirational and I hope you'll keep reading and telling me your thoughts!

With a sudden calm, a yawn, and hope for tomorrow,

Gabriella