I am writing today with an important message for myself and other self-conscious individuals out there who need some self-forgiveness and love.
Today's post is dedicated to two wonderful friends of mine: One is an incredibly strong woman who is always there to talk about body image and the ups and downs of being a feminist in a still superficial world. The other is an old, dear friend, who is there for me in a real, down-to-earth way no matter what is going on in our lives. And there is always something! So here's to you, ladies.
I was talking to a friend about why it feels good to get new clothes and a makeover (especially when a wealthy relative is paying)! She was feeling down on herself for enjoying it and for feeling beautiful. What is that about? She asked. If I am a body image enthusiast and try to deconstruct the notion that my value is based on my looks, why did I enjoy getting treated to new clothes that flattered my figure and makeup that made me glow? And how can I be okay with myself for feeling that way?
The answer I gave her is one I found myself repeating in my head just one day later as I worried about why I still have the urge to lose weight. So I figure it may be worth repeating here. In artistically-licensed letter form, of course.
Dear Friend,
You may think you are materialistic and superficial, but you are not.
What you are is a human who wants to be appreciated and loved.
And for most waking moments of your entire life, you have been fed the message that to be loved you have to look a certain way.
Materialism and superficiality are bi-products of your desire to be valued combined with your surroundings screaming at you that looking skinny and "beautiful" is the only way to achieve that.
It's okay to be disgusted by that. But the disgust need not be internally directed. I hope it isn't.
How can you be disgusted with yourself for wanting to be liked, valued, and loved?
To me, that is beautifully human.
When you look at yourself in the mirror and feel the "beautiful" that society tells you to be, your brain translates that to, "Thank God. Now I will be loved."
That's what it tells you. "Now you will be loved." So of course you feel wonderful. As you should. Because being loved is a wonderful thing.
But you should know that your brain is lying to you.
It is not your reflection that makes you loved.
Because you were loved long before you put on this makeup and bought this new dress. You have been loved and will be loved by all of us who know you as the beautiful human you are.
Who see the wrinkles in your eyes and remember that time we laughed so hard that we couldn't stop from squinting; we got laugh headaches. Who see the folds in your arms and remember how good of a hugger you are at the most important moments; remembering being held by arms both soft and strong.
Who actually aren't scrutinizing your body every time we see you and never notice a single freckle or "flaw" because we are busy listening. Because we love what you say. And we love what you do.
So don't pay your reflection any extra attention. Because as it changes, whether by will or by fate, through the days and through the years, our love for you never will.
I was talking to a friend about why it feels good to get new clothes and a makeover (especially when a wealthy relative is paying)! She was feeling down on herself for enjoying it and for feeling beautiful. What is that about? She asked. If I am a body image enthusiast and try to deconstruct the notion that my value is based on my looks, why did I enjoy getting treated to new clothes that flattered my figure and makeup that made me glow? And how can I be okay with myself for feeling that way?
The answer I gave her is one I found myself repeating in my head just one day later as I worried about why I still have the urge to lose weight. So I figure it may be worth repeating here. In artistically-licensed letter form, of course.
Dear Friend,
You may think you are materialistic and superficial, but you are not.
What you are is a human who wants to be appreciated and loved.
And for most waking moments of your entire life, you have been fed the message that to be loved you have to look a certain way.
Materialism and superficiality are bi-products of your desire to be valued combined with your surroundings screaming at you that looking skinny and "beautiful" is the only way to achieve that.
It's okay to be disgusted by that. But the disgust need not be internally directed. I hope it isn't.
How can you be disgusted with yourself for wanting to be liked, valued, and loved?
To me, that is beautifully human.
When you look at yourself in the mirror and feel the "beautiful" that society tells you to be, your brain translates that to, "Thank God. Now I will be loved."
That's what it tells you. "Now you will be loved." So of course you feel wonderful. As you should. Because being loved is a wonderful thing.
But you should know that your brain is lying to you.
It is not your reflection that makes you loved.
Because you were loved long before you put on this makeup and bought this new dress. You have been loved and will be loved by all of us who know you as the beautiful human you are.
Who see the wrinkles in your eyes and remember that time we laughed so hard that we couldn't stop from squinting; we got laugh headaches. Who see the folds in your arms and remember how good of a hugger you are at the most important moments; remembering being held by arms both soft and strong.
Who actually aren't scrutinizing your body every time we see you and never notice a single freckle or "flaw" because we are busy listening. Because we love what you say. And we love what you do.
So don't pay your reflection any extra attention. Because as it changes, whether by will or by fate, through the days and through the years, our love for you never will.
