Hello dear friends!
Since my last post I have had a smattering (smattering?) of little body-related thoughts that do not nearly come together into a cohesive post. But, heck! Who needs cohesiveness?
The first thing I want to say is that I was honored and comforted by the support I received from all corners of my friendships for my last post about obesity becoming a disease. I received praise for articulating my opinion, constructive thoughts, further research, and honest questions. So thank you for that.
I had a clarification to make after receiving some great feedback, which is about my opinion of an individual's responsibility to be healthy. I wanted to paraphrase a Facebook chat I had with a good friend of mine about this issue:
Her: What you wrote was really interesting...but I did actually like what the doctor said on ABC about not focusing on calling it a disease/epidemic but focusing on healthy habits.
Me: That's funny! I didn't catch that on the video at all. Maybe I was too angry to hear it. I'm going to watch it again right now...
...I see what you mean. Well that's a relief to listen to a second time with a calmer mindset. But I still have a problem with the focus on everyone's habits being wrong (kids are eating wrong, kids aren't moving enough, people are bad parents) instead of on the industries that lead to all of these food cravings and lethargy and yo-yo dieting (food industry, technology convenience, and beauty industry respectively).
Her: I agree, but I have a hard time understanding how else this is supposed to be addressed. Do we just have to focus on the whole of the industry rather than the individual?
Me: That's an interesting way of framing it. It reminds me of a thought I was having about my personal interaction with the technology industry. Which is: Am I doing something wrong by checking my phone all the time?
Her: Well you know how I feel about smart phones.
Me: Well, it's definitely not a good habit, but I've also been advertised to all day long about all of the apps I need to make my life better. So it is not a good thing that I am checking my social apps every few minutes...but I don't feel I am entirely to blame for this compulsion.
Her: No, you're definitely not to blame.
Me: So similarly, eating the wrong foods and not moving is not a good thing, but it's not the people who are to blame. Most mass marketed food is manufactured to addict. With saltiness and sweetness, leading to crashes in blood sugar and a never ending cycle of sugar addiction. And the beauty industry insists that we much achieve an unattainable ideal body, leading us to spend money on beauty products instead of healthy food, slowing our metabolisms with starvation diets, and entering a cycle of disappointing weight loss and weight gain.
Her: True. And not everyone has access to education about this. And the industries are totally preying on that.
So, I hope that clears up a little about my personal opinion, but I also want to point out the end of the conversation, which was an ENTIRELY NEW THOUGHT that I had NEVER CONSIDERED: the effects of race and class on the issue of food, health, and body image. I have not given this facet of body image enough thought to write about yet, but Wow. That is why I write these posts. Because through starting this dialogue, we are introduced to completely new issues to contemplate. New support, new insight, new perspective on the world and our place in it. It's deep, huh?
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| New ideas are awesome! |
To say one final thing about that dichotomy (individual vs. whole): I do believe that individuals can have the power to overcome the uphill battle against these industries (am I starting to sound like a conspiracy theorist? I'm not, I promise) and to find their ways to healthy, body loving lifestyles. And, of course, I hope and pray for each person to do so for themselves. But the amount of blame, judgment, and guilt placed on each individual who is struggling in some way with these issues is completely dismissive of the level of challenge we are all facing. I believe that the most I can give everyone is a break. A break from that guilt, that blame, that heavy burden. Without compassion and love, finding peace and health is that much harder. That is why I refuse to judge individuals for their capacity to maintain healthy weight, eat healthy food, or love their bodies. The only body I can fully understand is my own, so all I can do is find my own body love and send love and compassion to others searching for the same.
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On the side of the webpage, you'll see one of my Resources is Beauty Redefined. They are awesome. Their blogposts, Facebook posts, and emails have been a gift to me in my body love journey. They speak to me very deeply and I hope some of what they have to say will speak to you, too.
This is a heart-wrenching post about the impact women can have on their children's body image. The difficulty of struggling with your own physicality while imbuing your children with self-respect and love is one I have not yet faced, though I have been on the other side of the interaction. What strikes me about this post is how honest it is - so much so that it brings out my own, internal confessions as I read. Perhaps it will bring up some truth for you, too (if you choose to read it): http://www.beautyredefined.net/to-the-mom-who-taught-me-everything-a-body-image-breakthrough/.I will highlight one part of the post: at one moment the author puts aside resentment of her mother, realizing that they are part of the same cycle of shame and that neither of them are to blame (rhyme unintentional, but appropriately poetic).
Lastly, I was Skyping with a friend tonight and we were complaining about the pressure of being in our early twenties: everything feels so immediate, like every decision we make and every ambition we choose to follow will set the destiny for our entire lives. We fail now, we fail forever; we succeed, and we are set for life.
I brought up a tool that I use to increase my positive body image - recognizing Cognitive Distortions. Cognitive Distortions, or Distorted Thinking are the patterns that we humans tend to fall into that move our thoughts away from logic and into emotional danger. Apparently, according to wikipedia, "exaggerated or irrational thought patterns that are believed to perpetuate the effects of psychopathological states, especially depression and anxiety."
I believe these are thoughts that we all have. Examples include (adapted from the Wikipedia article):
All-or-nothing thinking: seeing things in black or white as opposed to shades of gray; usually using terms like "always", "every" or "never" when this is not true. Example: A dieter sees eating a bite of ice cream as a total failure that ruined his or her entire diet.
Overgeneralization: Making hasty generalizations from insufficient experiences and evidence. Example: A person is lonely and often spends most of her time at home. Her friends sometimes ask her to come out for dinner and meet new people. She feels it is useless to try to meet people. No one really could like her.
Disqualifying the positive: Positive events are discounted, leaving feelings of inadequacy. Example: Even when a person does a good job, they deny their success and say it wasn't that good or impressive.
Magnification and minimization: Giving proportionally greater weight to a perceived failure, weakness or threat, or lesser weight to a perceived success, strength or opportunity, (so that the weight falls toward the side of failure instead of success).
Emotional reasoning: Presuming that negative feelings expose the true nature of things, and experiencing reality as a reflection of emotionally linked thoughts. Example: "I feel/think that I am boring, therefore I must be." Or, feeling that fear of flying in planes means planes are a very dangerous way to travel. Or, concluding that it's hopeless to clean one's house due to being overwhelmed by the prospect of cleaning.
Should statements: Patterns of moral reasoning based on what a person morally should or ought to do. Example: After a performance, a pianist feels he or she should not have made so many mistakes. Or, while waiting for an appointment, thinking that the service provider should be on time, and feeling bitter and resentful as a result.
Labeling and mislabeling: A more severe type of overgeneralization; attaching an irrational label, turning a person into nothing more than their actions. Example: Instead of believing that you made a mistake, you believe that you are a loser. Or, someone who made a bad first impression is a "jerk".
And, trust me, there are plenty more. I don't point these out to tell you how paranoid you are; we all fall prey to these cognitive distortions, they are nearly impossible to avoid. I tell you because the first step to overcoming is awareness. And every time I revisit the types of cognitive distortions, I find myself catching my own distorted thoughts and, slowly but surely, returning to more reasonable interpretations of the situation before me.
Whether it be eating healthily, starting a career, or making new friends, cognitive distortions are bound to pop up. And catching them becomes a (surprisingly fun!) exercise that only leads to healthier, happier thinking.
Wow, I sound like a self-help book. I promise I am not advertising any cure-alls or must-dos; take it or leave it, I will not be insulted!
But, as always, if you find a nugget of inspiration from any of these links - let me know! Let's dialogue.
With love, compassion, and a crick in my neck,
Gabriella
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